eat. drink. sports.

What Does Derek Jeter Smell Like?

tim — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 21:33:48 +0000

“It’s a blend of crushed leaves, black pepper, chilled grapefruit, rhubarb, lavender, spearmint, bamboo, driftwood and oak moss,” [Avon] said. With his new fragrance, “Driven”, you too can smell like Jeter! If this isn’t enough, fear not — it’s only the “first of many men’s grooming products” bearing his name.

Way to go, Jeter! You’re even more of a Pretty Boy now. I cannot wait to shave my face with Jetercreme and then slather on some Jetershave.

You can be bigger than Shaq! (Well, LEGO Shaq)

tim — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 09:04:49 +0000

Get yourself a LEGO NBA Arena! Check this out:

You get what appears to be a replica of any NBA arena, as long as the seats are blue and in an oval shape. You also get little arms to help the LEGOmen dunk. I can't quite tell, but I think the stands are a swimming pool or skate park? If anyone actually pays $19.99 for this (plus S&H) they are an idiot.

It features the following 10 players: Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson, Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter, and Antoine Walker. No LeBron? No Carmello? No My Giant? No Spud Webb? For shame, LEGO, for shame.

You can buy this waste of space here.

Also, my fellow EDSer Mike pointed me towards this on cracked.com:

The Tournament of Sportscenter's Most Cliched Catchphrases! Boo-yah, we hate Stuart Scott.

I Love This Game!

Mike — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:20:58 +0000

Though it could just as easily apply to baseball, football, MMA, volleyball, and any number of other games I love to play and/or watch, the title refers obviously to the NBA, which has been using the "I love this game!" tagline for a couple of years.

Anyway, the NBA playoffs are nigh upon us, and the 2006 version brings a level of excitement not felt throughout the NBA landscape in a great while. Sure, the past two NBA champs – the San Antonio Spurs and Detroit Pistons – remain heavy favorites to make it back to the Finals, but in the humble opinion of this sporting enthusiast, for the first time in years, there are a multitude of engaging storylines waiting to be played out. Out of the 8 playoff matchups, all but the Pistons-Bucks series promise some drama. Read on for mini-breakdowns of each series.

San Antonio Spurs (1) vs. Sacramento Kings (8) – The Kings are coming off a tremendous second-half revival; a la the Oakland A's in baseball last year, Sacto was pretty much left for dead as of the All-Star break. After obtaining the volatile but ultra-talented Ron Artest in a trade, however, the Kings have solidified their defense and provided point guard Mike Bibby another weapon to diversify their offense. The Spurs, meanwhile, have overcome nagging injuries to Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili – thanks in no small part to the flourishing Tony Parker – to once again post 60+ wins in the regular season. Prediction: Spurs in 6. Sacramento's size, and the Bibby-Artest combo, allow them to hang in with the defending champs, but San Antone's experience, deep bench, and methodical style of play tilt the series in their favor.

Phoenix Suns (2) vs. Los Angeles Lakers (7) – In the interest of full disclosure (as if this blog was a legitimate media outlet) I am, always have been, and always will be, a Laker fan. I'd like to think I'm a fairly objective, realistic one – I'm certainly no Laker apologist. I think the Lakers are just as, or perhaps even more, exciting sans Shaq than with the Big Fella. The Shaq-Kobe 1a/1b combination came with such great promise (and delivering titles 3 times! Consecutively!) but also with such great expectation. Anything short of an NBA Championship seemed like a disappointment. Now expectations are tempered, the future of the Lakers is also much more unpredictable. The sporting world loves unpredictability; it's what inflames passions among fans. Predictability is boring. That's why the Spurs, and to a certain extent, the Pistons, don't engender excitement outside of their loyal followers; these two employ sound, fundamental basketball, and even wild cards such as Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and Rasheed Wallace are reigned in by their systems. It's also why the Suns, playing an up-tempo, helter-skelter style of basketball orchestrated by reigning (and possibly repeating) league MVP Steve Nash, are one of the most fun teams to watch. Objective Analyst Prediction: Suns in 5. This organized chaos will be the Lakers' downfall in their series, as L.A. defends transition basketball rather poorly. Nash will find a way to spread the basketball and get contributions from guys 1-8 on the Phoenix rotation, and their collective ability to knock down the 3-pointer will overcome their lack of an inside presence. Homer Prediction: The Lakers will exploit the Suns' weakness inside, and will manage to slow down the tempo enough for Kobe to exert his ruthless will. All the Nash-for-MVP talk will fuel #8's already overflowing competitive desire, and he will explode for close to 40 pts/gm while getting just enough help from Lamar Odom and Kwame Brown to put away the pesky Suns in 6.

More breakdowns to come…

Things to Throw at Barry Bonds

tim — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 07:12:54 +0000

So people are throwing stuff at Barry Bonds? Wah wah boo hoo.

Center fielder Randy Winn, the closest teammate to Bonds when the incident occurred, said he did not see the fan throw the object. But Winn said he was concerned it could become common.

"It's definitely not a trend that we want to continue," Winn said. "I know he's going through a lot. First and foremost, he's a human being. (note: a super-roided human being)

"If you want to cheer for Barry or boo Barry, that's part of the game," Winn said. "But if you throw things or go after him, that's not what anyone wants."

Really?

I want the following thrown at Barry Bonds:

the book
~~trash~~
~~sewage~~
raw sewage
a doll with a melon for a head
a melon with a doll for a body
cats. lots and lots of cats
Boo-berry
the Kiel-Taco
icy glares

And kudos to the previous mysterious bold pioneer who threw a syringe at Barry — how funny! I can only hope that soon, opposing teams will have "Medical Rep Night" where inflatable syringes are handed out to the first 10,000 fans, and the field is just littered with nothing but giant inflatable syringes.

Mexi-Polski Fusion — aka The Kieltaco

tim — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 17:35:05 +0000

I guess "fusion" food is a hot trend in the culinary world these days. That's where daring chefs take a bold risk and meld two different kinds of ethnic foods together in one melting pot! So the other day, I decided to get a little creative on my own, driven mostly by two key factors:

1. my hunger

2. the food I had on hand

That day, I had to use up tortillas and cheddarwurst. Do you see where I'm going with this? If the camera was working I'd have given you a play-by-play step-by-step picture walkthrough, but for now you'll have to do with your old standby, Imagination.

First I warmed up the contact grill. I sliced a slit in each of the cheddarwursts and put them on for about 6 minutes. I then soaked the sort of stale tortillas under some running water and placed them on the grill as well in order to steam.

Then I prepped my toppings:

- shredded Mexi-Jack Cheese

- Tobasco relish (homemade*)

- jalapeno mustard

- mayo

- crushed tortilla chips

Once the cheddarwursts were done (and after flipping the tortillas around a few times in order to get them all on the direct heat without crisping the bottom one), I pulled them off the grill, threw them on a hot tortilla and packed some Mexi-Jack in there and rolled it up in order to get the cheese melting while the cheddarwurst rested. (In hindsight, next time I would wrap them up and put them back on the grill, wrapped for a minute.) After about 2 minutes (once the cheese was somewhat melty), I added the rest of my toppings — the mayo, mustard, relish and then the crushed tortilla chips. I then rolled the whole shebang back up and dug in. Success!

I believe this dish passes the qualifications of fusion because it mixes some strong Mexican sentiment (the tortilla chips, tortilla, the form of the dish as well as the spicy relish) with the Polish-Wisconsinite vibe (the cheddarwurst and the mustard). What are your thoughts?

I am all for crossing the ethnic borderlines where it's never been gone before. Mexican food is very easy to translate over into other types of food — right now I'm planning some Thai Burritos, an Italian Wet Burrito (a wet burrito is a Midwest delicacy, for those of you not familiar with the cuisine of Great Lakes Mexican), as well as some Mexican lasagna. Hooray for experimentation!

* Tabasco relish: I bought a 1L bottle of Tabasco sauce at BJ's and now I'm forced to use it up — I put a few squirts into the half-full jar of ickle relish and voila — Tabasco relish. The Condimentalist would be proud.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Mike — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 15:26:13 +0000

Are there any more magical words to chant than these? If you've had any sort of a childhood, you've heard the "Fight! Fight! Fight!" chant at least once, and maybe you were even the subject of these chants. I wouldn't put it past our readership.

Fighting is probably the first taboo we witnessed or participated in breaking as children. There was just something very illicit about it, especially at school where fighting was such a no-no. It was like watching a star being born – some nebulous gases would bump up against each other and a spark caused an explosion: first, a quarrel would break out, accusations would fly, and then the verbal assaults became physical – and just like that a fight, and the chant, had broken out.

School fights, for me, reached their apex in middle school. Later, fights took on a much more violent, and dangerous, tone – people could actually get hurt. The best fight I've ever seen in person happened when I was in 7th grade. The reasons for the fight, like most fights, are unclear. Something about the new transfer thinking he was better than everyone, the other kid protecting his turf, whatever. It was two boys acting out testosterone-fueled posturing. Anyway, these two kids starting hollering and wrestlin' in the hallway, which was quickly broken up by a passing teacher. However, buzz soon spread that an appointment for a fight had been reached, and that the two would meet after school at the racquetball courts. The park adjacent to our school had outdoor racquetball courts that were enclosed by metal fencing, and we quickly realized that what we had on our hands was not just a fight, but a CAGE FIGHT.

Yes, this is a rather roundabout way to touch on the UFC and "combat sports" phenomenon, but let me just say that my appreciation for getting your ass handed to you inside the boundaries of metal fencing was born that day. I can remember hordes (tens) of kids walking and biking over to the park in excited anticipation, and the fight actually delivering the goods. The new kid was just demolished – I remember at one point, the other kid had new kid's face pinned against the metal fence as he rained kidney blows on him.

A few months later, my friends and I discovered the wonders of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, a fight tournament which pitted practitioners of different martial arts against each other in a caged octagon, a grown-up version of what we had just witnessed. It was brutal, violent, bloody, and extremely intoxicating. It opened our eyes to many different fighting specialties, and the athleticism and competitiveness of the fighters. A decade and a half later, the UFC and its many offshoots and rivals have refined what is called Mixed Martial Arts and its popularity is soaring, thanks to stints on basic cable (especially the UFC's Ultimate Fighter reality/game show on SpikeTV).

In many ways, I've matured from that seventh-grade version of myself - but the luster of fighting in a cage has yet to wear off, so I'll be commenting on UFC and other fighting sports from time to time. Hey, indulge me and my inner child/caveman.

Here's an unscientific list of some of the best/most exciting fighters you may want to check out:

Fedor Emelianenko (Pride HW champ)
Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (Pride LHW)
Wanderlei "the Axe Murderer" Silva (Pride LHW champ)
Mirko "Cro-Cop" Filipovic (Pride HW)
Antonio Rodrigo Noguiera (Pride HW)
Takanori Gomi (Pride LW)
Kaz Sakuraba (Pride MW)
Chuck "the Iceman" Liddell (UFC LHW champ)
Rich "Ace" Franklin (UFC MW champ)
Matt Hughes (UFC WW champ)
Georges St. Pierre (UFC WW - probably my favorite fighter of the moment)
Andrei Arlovski (UFC HW champ)
Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto (K-1 flyweight)
Genki "Neo-Samurai" Sudo (K-1 WW)

There are many many other fighters out there, just search for UFC/Pride/MMA. Also, check out Sherdog.com for all the MMA info you'd ever need, and check out the new season of Ultimate Fighter on SpikeTV.

You know what they say about great minds…

Mike — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 06:57:01 +0000

"They" say great minds think alike. I can't vouch for his greatness, but George Duran of Food Network's Ham on the Street spent the first segment of the "Guilty Pleasures" episode discussing the wonders of deep-fried goods. He takes 5 already-guilty pleasures and fries them to a deep and golden goodness. Obviously, this isn't a novel gastric breakthrough – deep-fried twinkies and such have been cropping up more and more at county fairs. I could do more research on this phenomenon, but why pull the curtain on the machinery? Let's let wonders remain wonders.

Anyway, the five items George deep-fries:

Hot dog and bun
Mac and cheese
Brownie
Oreo cookies
Cheesecake

Simply amazing. George seems to be a man after my own stomach. I've actually had deep-fried Snickers (at the fair) and deep-fried Oreos (in Vegas), so I feel well-qualified to comment here. The deep-fried desserts are actually not as much of a stretch as you'd think – the batter lends a funnel cake-like flavor and texture to the proceedings.

Deep-fried hot dogs and deep-fried mac n' cheese, however, seem like riskier propositions. The random diners George convinced to sample the goods seemed to like the desserts fine but, like me, were a bit skeptical of the deep-friend dogs and mnc. However, the deep-fried hot dog seemed to go over well, but the ball of mac and cheese was less well-received.

I may have to corral me a deep-fryer and perform some experiments myself. Who said television isn't inspiring?

baseball, week 1

tim — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 20:54:16 +0000

Tim: How bout those Tigers? And will those Brewers ever stop winning (they both just did). Still, between them they are 10-2, and Cleveland is hot as well (5-1). I can't wait for these to all collapse completely. I just like making these posts so I can say "How bout those Tigers! They sure are hot!" because it will be the only time all year I get to, so I must strike while the iron's hot.

More baseball rehash will come soon, this is the opening of many to be edited.

Mike: This is precisely why Opening Day is the best day of baseball for 90% of the teams. At the end, only one team wins the World Series, and let's face it, the majority of the clubs making the playoffs (Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, Cardinals, Braves, etc.) aren't happy just making the playoffs and winning a series or two – there's almost a burden of expectation of winning the whole shebang. It's unfortunate, but once the dog days of August (what a great sports phrase, by the way) come around, at least half of the teams are just playing out an inevitable losing string.

But Opening Day… is it any wonder the season opens in the spring? Unwarranted or not, everyone is hopeful, even if you root for the Cubs and Prior and Wood start yet another season on the disabled list. Sooner, much sooner, than later, those dreaded initials – D and L – rear their ugly heads and start claiming casualties and putting quite the damper on promising springs.

For now, though, a quick check of the standings yields a picture that will no doubt change by the end of the season – Yankees in last place in the AL East, the Mets first in the NL East, the Brewers and clubs jockeying for first in the NL Central, Colorado atop the NL West, along with the aforementioned Tigers and Indians leading the AL Central. About the only division going according to form is the AL West, where most pundits have picked the A's and Angels to maintain a season-long battle for dominance.

My baseball coverage here on out will naturally skew to the Western divisions, and Tim will be covering the East – but I'll be checking in on my boys on the fantasy team from time to time.

Fantasy baseball update – our team won its first head-to-head matchup 11-5, surprisingly dominating the pitching categories (except for the K's/9 category). I have great faith my hitters will come around but I'm hoping my pitching can sustain its momentum. It looks like relief pitching is our Achilles heel so far, with the disappointing Foulke having already lost his closer's role to Papelbon. In fantasy, as in real life, Foulke's getting a quick hook – he's already been dropped and replaced by another pitcher.

Tim: Good point about who's going on the DL so far. I had to chuckle when I saw that Nomar was already out before the season even started — he's probably one of the fastest dropping stars of all time. We were all scratching our heads when he was traded away in '04, but it turns out that it was a good move! Thanks, Theo! And speaking of the Sox, Coco Crisp broke his finger and will be out for about 4 weeks. Good thing the Sox have a sturdy outfield reserve in Adam Stern. The Canadian tore up the WBC and had a few great at-bats the other day.

The rest of the AL East is sizing up to be a good competition for last place and Atlanta will no doubt claim their 23434982nd straight division title when the Mets inevitably choke after making you think they had a chance all year. The Braves are hurting because of the Chippa's injury, but we wish him a speedy recovery and sent him some flowers this morning.

A big HA HA HA to Barry Bonds, I hope he received some old gypsy curse and will get to 710 HRs and then make 1000000 futile attempts at hitting home runs, only to have every single one swatted back by a mysterious force. Here's to gypsy curses!

And last but not least, let's make our predictions on the divisions:

AL East: Boston
AL Central: Detroit!
AL West : Oakland
AL Wild Card: Cleveland

NL East: Atlanta
NL Central: St Louis
NL West: San Diego
NL Wild Card: Chicago Cubs

I went out on a wire on a few of them, but what fun is this if you pick the same teams every year?

Mike: Okay here are my picks -

AL East: Yankees (sorry, I don't trust that new infield of Boston's)
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: A's
AL wild card: Angels (Cleveland takes a step back as their pitching is not nearly as strong as last year, esp. w/ Sabathia hurt)

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Padres
NL wild card: Braves

THE CONDIMENTALIST!

condimentalist — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 20:02:07 +0000

IT IS I, THE CONDIMENTALIST! I will be popping in from time to intice your taste buds to throw it into high gear and start condimentalizing…but for now, it's condiments on the go:

Condiment packets, condiment packets, everywhere! There's a whole museum of them! And it's online! Thank you, internet!

The Condiment Packet Museum!

A hockey team by any other name…

tim — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 22:02:19 +0000

Let's talk some hockey. As self-appointed hockey fan on this here blog, I feel the need to talk about the Carolina Hurricanes, or as I like to call them, The Hartford Whalers. Growing up in Connecticut, I followed the Whalers closely and cherished going to their games, even if it meant loss after loss after loss. The Whalers never really made the leap from WHA to NHL all that well, and neither did many other teams (see more on that below). I've always thought of the Whalers as, well, sucky, but I loved them anyway. So when the Canes made the Stanley Cup finals a few years ago, I was blown away! This was the Whalers we were talking about! The Whalers, whose biggest success to date had been winning one playoffs series in 18 years of the NHL. They had only 3 seasons above .500, so how is it that they made the Stanley Cup finals? And how are they doing so well this season that they've currently locked up the Southeast Division title and are 2nd in the East in point standings? I'm not going to go into that question but I'd like to just expound on the fact that when a team moves from a crappy market with a crappy arena , they tend to do better in the new city. Fresh faces, fresh audience, a new chance to build up the fanbase in a bigger (and hopefully better) city.

The Whalers had one of the crappiest arenas ever constructed, the Hartford Civic Center. It's so crappy (how crappy is it?) — It's so crappy, that to this date no corporation has even wanted to buy the naming rights! Even Providence, RI renamed their Civic Center the Dunkin Donuts Center. Even Worcester, MA renamed theirs after some company. I'm not saying that all arenas should be renamed but if nobody even wants to buy the rights to naming it, there's got to be something wrong with that. The Whalers did have a horrible lease with the Civic Center and honestly, if the city or state wanted to do anything to keep them, they would have ponied up some sort of offer. The fanbase was surely there, their attendance had nothing to do with their record, and I've still met people who "bleed Whaler green." I remember back in 1996 when it was announced that they would relocate to Raleigh, I was wearing a Whalers hat and a (drunk) guy came up to me and declared that he and his friends had gone to Raleigh and pissed on the stadium that was being built. See? Rabid fanbase! The same fanbase was there in Winnipeg and Quebec when they moved their franchises (although I am not aware of any arena-peeing incidents but I'm sure there were many, and possibly more extreme excremental activities), and certainly moving the Minnesota North Stars to Dallas was a travesty (the Wild? Come on. LAME NAME GUYS).

Speaking of those other two franchises, the Quebec Nordiques (the only team who did worse than the Whalers in the old Adams Division) moved to Denver. Pretty good move as the renamed Colorado Avalanche went on to become a 90's powerhouse and did pretty well. The Winnipeg Jets certainly have had better success in Phoenix as the Coyotes, and the North Stars have done better in Dallas as the Stars. Perhaps it's the new scenery that inspires the troops. Perhaps the new crazy fans who come up with better rainbow wigs and maybe they have better chest-painting skills. Either way, moving a franchise gives a team the opportunity to create a new image (and millions of dollars worth of merch) and a new look for a sorry team.

The relocation of sports franchises has always intrigued me, and I have an amazing memory of where almost every team has been and when. There are always rumblings of teams wanting to move (the Marlins are seriously looking to get out of Miami — more on that in a few days).

I don't really follow the Carolina Hurricanes all that much these days, I've been pretty much teamless for the last few years as I don't know where to throw my fandom (as long as it's not those hated Bruins). I flirted with the Leafs and the idea of trying to follow the Canes, but I couldn't get behind it. I've settled on following the AHL's Manchester Monarchs as they're now my hometown team! RAWR — I'm in MONARCHS country!

I do check up on the Canes in the paper from time to time, though. I just happened to see their success and I'm pleased. The other year when they went to the Stanley Cup finals, there were a few players I did recognize on the roster as old Whalers (Ron Francis, etc) and it made me happy that they were finally on a contender after years of being on sub-par teams. I like the look of the Hurricanes' logo okay, but I'm still searching for a Hartford Whalers mid-90's road jersey. They are impossible to find. Just like my youth.